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what it was, it made me stop and reflect. Beherit is and ever was, you see, an unholy fool.
There is knowledge here.'
'Which no Christian should possess!'
'And since I am no Christian; I believe there could be, in truth, a remedy in the
Scholomance for all the restrictions that have plagued my immortal existence.'
'So you came here with no thought of redemption, only of increasing your evil
powers.'
'Don't think you can redeem me,' Dracula said fiercely. 'Accept what I am, for I will
never change. Yet believe this; I spurn the Devil! Kovacs sold his soul for access to
undreamed-of wisdom - as did I. But I refused to pay. Therein lay my crime. I was the
tenth scholar, chosen by the Devil to be taken in payment for the rest - but I have been
warrior, warlord and boyar, and I bow down to no one, not even to Satan himself. I
refused to give myself up; I killed those who tried to force me. Beherit was the only one
left alive - Undead, rather - and he has spent hundreds of years in my place, waiting for
me to return. Now he learns that it has done him no good.'
All of this he said quite calmly. I asked, 'Then you don't serve the Devil?'
'I care nothing for him or for God!'
'But if you don't serve God you must aid the Devil. And you still fear God, or you
would not flinch from holy symbols!'
'Do leave aside your theology, Mina. Your reasoning may be correct. But Beherit is
right, I left here too soon, before I armed myself with the arcane secrets that would free
me from all such constraints.'
Now I sensed a trace of desperation in Dracula that I had never marked before.
'Beherit means to harm you. 1,1 he is afraid of you, and jealous.' 'He can
neither harm nor command me, and he knows it. I ask only that he let me alone to
conduct certain studies and experiments. You should stay, Mina; you would be more than
comfortable here, and I will protect you from his foolishness. Is there not the slightest
curiosity in you about this forbidden knowledge? No taint of Eve? Women were taken as
students here. Lucifer, they say, has an especial fondness for women. . .'
'Were you really tutored by the Devil himself?' I whispered. 'What did he ... look like?'
'Like Beherit. Like each student's reflection; he stole our reflections, indeed. Like an
exquisite black-haired woman. A horned snail. A little golden child ..." I could not tell if
he were serious or mocking. He went on, 'We can send for Quincey and Elena as soon as
the weather is more clement.'
I turned quite hollow inside, and could not speak. Beherit seemed nothing now; Count
Dracula was the only lord of this domain. He gripped my hand more tightly, saying,
'Well? Quincey will join us, will he not? You must have made your decision.'
And I had, although I did not realize it until that moment. The Count might kill me
where I stood for making my answer, but that was better than being toyed with and
tormented over my poor son's soul.
'Yes,' I said firmly. 1 have made my decision. If Quincey's days are meant to be short,
God's will be done. I would rather nurse a broken heart the rest of my days than think that
I had condemned a child's soul - and who knows how many others through him - to
eternal damnation!'
Dracula flung my hand from him, and rose so abruptly his chair flew back and hit the
floor with a bang. His eyes blazed. The white brows knotted above the hard lines of his
face, and his wolf-teeth showed in all their terrible bestiality. He seized me by the
shoulder, lifting me so that I hung from his broad hand, gasping with the pain. And the
pale infernal light that glared from his face! I feared for my life - and yet it was that very
hellish light that told me I had made the right decision. I could never be a part of this.
Even if it cost me my life!
He shook me. 'How dare you defy me!' He gathered me to him and I felt his lips and
teeth on my throat; I thought that was the end. Yet I felt his mouth relax, and move over
my jaw and cheek to rest in my hair. Dracula wept.
I believe I ceased to resist him then. I allowed his embrace, even returned it, my
shoulders softening and my head falling back. Holding me, he spoke softly and
desperately. 'Mina, I love you. I have a powerful will to live, yes, but that will is all for
you. If you reject me - what then is left?'
I could not answer. There was nothing I could say. I had no words of comfort; how
can such an awesome being be comforted? Tears fell from my eyes. I can't express the
pain I felt - feel. For I so wanted to tell him ... but I could not. Because of Quincey,
because I cannot give us both up to damnation.
Presently he put me away from him and spoke, very grave and sad. 'Ah Mina, I cannot
complain at your determination. It was your very strength that drew me to you.'
He kissed my hand and bowed his head to me, as if acknowledging the end of a
contest. 'Quincey will live,' he said, his tone soul-weary. 'He will grow out of his
childhood weakness and thrive.'
'How can you know that?'
'We studied all arts here; medicine as well as alchemy, necromancy, weaponry and the
command of nature. I gave him, while he was in my care, certain mixtures to strengthen
his constitution. But you will see for yourself.' He turned away.
I knew then that everything had changed. That when he gave his word to accept my
refusal, he meant it! But to realize this was more than astonishing. To think that Count
Dracula would, at my bidding, cease to haunt me, cease to persuade or seduce my good
intentions to bad -1 felt as if some great prop had been jerked away from under my very
being, leaving me in a heap upon the earth.
I had won my liberty, and now was not at all sure I wanted it. Do not judge, you who
read this, that women are weak, unless you, also, have had to make the decision that I
made!
The Count looked up into the starred cupola. 'The sun rises outside. I would rest
awhile. If you wish to leave me, as no doubt you will...' He showed me levers, in two of
the eight walls, that would open the concealed doors. 'But keep vigil over me, Mina, for
old times' sake.' He lay down at one side of the room, hands folded over his chest, as if
the room itself were his sepulchre; and while he lies as if dead, I sit at the table and write.
I have sat alone here now for hours. What will befall me when the sun - although here
the night is eternal - sets again in the outside world? I dread to think. I can imagine no
future. I cannot imagine myself ever holding Quincey in my arms again.
What will become of me now? There is nothing left. Never in my life have I felt so
cold and desolate as I do now; the candles burn low, the lamp begins to fail. Now this
journal is more to me than the friend and the discipline it has been; it is my only lifeline,
the veritable thread of my sanity! And even this is fading. There is no more paper. If I am
still here when Dracula rises I know I will become Undead ... I must leave but I dare not;
I dread what lies outside, while here at least is a devil I know - all too well. Shadows
walk around me, and I hear voices whispering, and Beherit's footsteps coming closer, and
the protective walls rent like veils. Oh, heaven help me! Farewell, Quincey. Farewell, all.
JOHN SEWARD'S MEMORANDUM
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